I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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