so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
