I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
