What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
