I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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