i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
