We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
