so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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