he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
