Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
