Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
