just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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