Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
