i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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