The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
