Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
