I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
