Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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