Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
