Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
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