The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
