like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Little spoons don't ask big questions
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
