I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
