i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
