Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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