Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
