just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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