the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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