im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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