The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
