school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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