do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
