I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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