just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
