Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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