Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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