he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Enjoy the penises
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
