You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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