This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
