Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
