I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize