I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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