On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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