I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
