Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
