Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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