Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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