I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize