This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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