4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
