So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
