ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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