chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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