i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
