she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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