You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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