What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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