I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
