its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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