First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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