be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
