my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
