Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
