Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
