Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
