Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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