True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
