He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize