why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
