After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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