All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
