Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
