What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We are two peas in an std pod
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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