I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
