oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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