Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
